Send her love.

  She has been with me for as long as I can remember. She doesn't have a name, but she has this immense, powerful presence. She lingers too long in some moments, and too short in others. I've never imagined her to look a certain way. In fact I've never seen her face. But this voice of hers. Its so loud sometimes. Mean, in fact. She criticizes me in pictures and makes fun of my crooked teeth.

God, why didn't you get those fixed? You're almost 32 now. It's embarrassing.

She makes fun of people sometimes as they walk by. Judges. Scolds. I'm  never quite good enough.   I can't tell you exactly where she came from. Or when she started. This voice. This subconscious, ego voice in my head. She and I aren't friends, really. I don't care much for her. She and I were having this battle last week as I continued to snap pictures of myself to eventually post. My guide word was "breathe" for the picture. Posting pictures of myself on Facebook or any social media scares the shit out of me.

You don't look good. Your face looks funny and your skin is all weird. What would they think of you? Posting something like that.

  After we battled it out for a good 10 pictures, I did something I've never done before. I just sent her love.

     It's okay. It's not about them. It's just about the beauty. The presence. The right here and now. Breathe. And post.

She didn't respond. She didn't come back with any more negative comments.   In my bath last night I looked at my body::

My breasts are so very small. Flat.

...they fed your son and nourished his body.

...that first toe curves that way, and the other three curve the other. That's weird.

...you see your father in those feet. And now you see yours in your sons. They've carried you and felt your weight. Supported you.

That voice. She was gentle. And kind. The thoughts I created consciously were sent love. Unconditionally. As if that one small act of love last week moved mountains. Shifted energy and created the divine all over again within my heart.   She's been quiet. She seems to let me speak first. Have a chance to act with love first. For both of us.   As I laid in bed the other evening, I was visualizing my year:: creating my business and picturing the women I would guide and mentor to lead a beautiful life. But I couldn't quite get that feeling. I searched for it.

                 They won't see you and feel you, until you see and feel yourself, she said. They will believe in you when you believe in you, my love. You have the power of all the love in the universe inside that heart. It is time now for you to feel that love for yourself. You journey begins now, she whispered.

Your journey begins now. Send her love.