My battle.

                          I had been in battle for months. I had fought and fallen. Risen and took on another. I had walked into the arena with heavy armor. It was all so heavy. My shield and my sword. I never realized how heavy it was before, but now, it seemed to keep me from being quick and maneuver the way I intended. I should drop it. Let it go. I should leave it before I walk into the arena. I would be faster and lighter. No. that doesn't make sense. You've never done that before. You've always needed this. its protected you. shielded you.   I kept fighting with this armor. Until one day my shield shattered. It struck me so hard that my shield shattered into a million pieces and I watched it fall around me at my feet. What do I use? What do I do? I'm open and vulnerable and seen in front of everyone as weak now. What do I use to stay strong?   Please, I ask. Please don't hurt me, just allow me to stand up and show you I'm okay. I'm okay to just be here. Be here with you. We can stay together, yes? Both exist in this place without hurting one another? I see you and you see me.   Fear shook its head. Yes. Yes we can be side by side. You see me as nothing more than existing. I see you as being able to stand and see me with love. Leave your shield.   I kept fighting in this place but with out my shield I used my heart and my words to protect my being. My self. I was lighter. I moved more easily and I felt joyful as I took on shame, guilt, and anger. I saw them as part of me but not as me and I rejoiced with each victory. They allowed me to come into this place, this arena, and exist with them. Side by side. Some still continued to fight me. But with my sword and shield gone and my heart exposed, I felt more victorious than ever. I let them come. I let them come and I let them sink into my being and pass right through my soul.   You can exist with me. But you cannot reside. Do you understand?   My last battle came. They told me it would be my hardest. My biggest. This may be your life's battle. They told me. This may be the one thing that continues to hold you here. You've battled it before but never straight on, not like this. Not with love. You can do this now. You have fought us and allowed us to exist with you because of your love for us. You see how we shape you. You have fallen and risen beautifully because of the love you found for us. You must do this now with your last opponent.  You must show the love you have shown us. Fierce love. Tell them your worth. Tell them you've fought and risen.   Who could this be? I asked. Why would it keep me here, why so hard a struggle? What is it that keeps me from loving this thing? Nothing it can do will hurt me. Nothing it will do will set me aside. If I have seen you all of you and now we stand side by side with love, why is this battle any different? I ask them. I ask them again and no one will answer.   I open my heart and I walk into the arena. I see this thing, this person. This woman. I see her.   I know who she is. And I see my reflection.   She is me.